I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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