I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
