You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
