Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
