um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
