yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
