Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
