have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
