How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
