Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
