I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
