is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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