I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
it was like eating out sand paper
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
