we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I would fuck him just for his dog
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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