"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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