$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
