i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
