it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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