...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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