I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
