Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
