thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
