trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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