I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
