Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
