Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
