Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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