i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
