Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
