I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
