I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
