remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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