i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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