At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
