Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
