I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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