Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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