if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
