What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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