i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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