See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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