pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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