I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
