Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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