I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
