I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
