you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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