she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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