im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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