The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
