Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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