There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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